And, I am glad to say, that I have indeed been writing, though, this time regretfully to say, it is not really any easier.
After my long break during this winter, I made myself start writing knowing that I would snap and get back to it like I always do after writing those first few words after a writing slump, but this time that didn't happen. It still hasn't.
And I think I've figured out why.
So this book that I'm currently writing is the third and final book in my Dragon Master Trilogy, and I started it back in November for NaNoWriMo, with the word count far past the goal of 50k words.
Currently, this book has 85k words, and 230 pages, and I have only just started writing the ending--which I pretty much consider everything after the halfway point.
This is the longest book I've ever written, the first two in the trilogy ranging from 60k words to 65k.
But none of this is the problem. The problem is that I think I'm afraid to finish it, stalling for as long as I can before having to type The End.
One reason for this is because I absolutely adore these books and these characters, and I hate to wrap up their story--but I've done this before, and I've gotten over this before, so saying goodbye for now isn't why I'm procrastinating so hard.
I think the actual reason is the fear of what happened last time I finished one of my series.
The first set of books I ever wrote was titled ATREA, with five 50k word books. Soon after I typed The End on that one, I started a SECOND series to ATREA, with five more books and 50k more words each, of the next generation of the characters in the first.
But, after I typed The End on the second series, I sort of stopped and stared off for a minute...
...What was I supposed to write, now?
I was convinced that was it. I would never write another world that I love as much as Atrea, and never create wonderful characters like them and I could never think of another good plot. I mean, how could I? Atrea was and is my life--how could I replace it with something equally as good, let alone better?
I tried for many months. I would get half formed ideas and desperately try to make a plot out of it, a character--something! I had nothing to write, and I felt like I would never do anything great with words ever again.
And then the Dragon Master Trilogy hit my like a sack of bricks, and into another world I fell, writing and writing for nearly two years until my fingers hurt and my brain melted.
And now, for the first time in those two years, I've nearly stopped writing the Dragon Master Trilogy. I've slowed down.
Because I fear what comes after I type The End.
Can I really think of something else to fall in love with, as I did with ATREA and the Dragon Master Trilogy? Of course I can. I've done it before, right?
But then I remember all of the months of lamenting over ideas, waiting for 'The One' idea.
'The One' idea meaning the one book that I will write and love. The one idea out of all of the little scattered thoughts that will fully form and drag me along. The one perfect spark of imagination that will create my next favorite character or my next devastating plot twist.
I like to look at it in the form of falling in love with someone:
"How do you know he/she is the one?"
You just do. It's this gut instinct that tells you this is right. It makes you happy and makes you excited and, basically, just makes you fall in love.
So I'm having a hard time writing the ending of the third and final book, because I know after this I will have to think of something else entirely to carry me throughout the next however many years.
Don't get me wrong--I have tons of ideas I've been dying to write--but that's just it. They all simply feel like 'ideas' and nothing more. No big OMG I HAVE TO WRITE THIS NOW nor any THIS IS BRILLIANT I'M DYING ideas.
No stories to make me fall in love.
So I am very torn about my feelings, because I am so excited for this ending, but I'm also so crushed to have to say goodbye again to the story I love. Thought there will be rewrites and editing and revising and such, there's nothing quite like writing a first draft for the very first time, and if I could go back in time and write my stories for the first time again, figuring out the plot holes and gasping when something I didn't expect happens and crying when someone died, I would in a heart beat.
Creating things is beautiful to me, and it breaks my heart when I can't think of anything to create.
An advice/opinions on this subject? Have you ever had trouble typing The End on a book? What's your favorite way to come up with ideas that make you fall in love?
I'm going to attempt to get some more work done on the third book, so wish me luck!
