Two People

Hello Dears!

Today has been pretty empty, meaning my mind has had a lot of time to wander freely and without stop. This isn't a bad thing. Well, at least today it isn't.

But it got me thinking:

There are, basically, two types of people in this world.

Both of these kinds are very troubled people.

Stay with me here:

Now, both of these people have suffered. They are both distraught, or have been, or are sometimes. Both of these people have had terrible and wonderful things happen to them.

What I'm trying to say is; everyone on Earth has gone through stuff. Everyone has lived a tragedy at one point or another. This might be abuse or bullying or trauma. You might have had to bury a parent or a pet or might have had a house fire or were made fun of in school.

Whatever the specific case is--the world is full of horror.

Allow me to explain: One of these types of people take these horrible things that have happened to them, and simply simmer in it. These are, generally, the people who cause more violence and hate in the world.

These are the people who use their past or present struggles as fuel and as an excuse to mistreat and belittle other people. These are the bullies in school. These are the people who love to make you feel worthless. These are life's conflicts, who feel strong by teasing and feel powerful by beating others down--mentally or emotionally or physically. These are not necessarily bad people, but good people that were infected by the world and drug down with it, who handle everything in all the wrong ways.

Think of a villain in a storybook, basically.

They have their own story, and their own problems, and their own heartbreak, yet they are the hero that simply fell apart and is eaten up with desperation and hopelessness, which often causes people to act out and be someone they aren't.

And, sure, it's easier to put up a front. To be uncaring, to be heartless, but this is all an act. It's hard to be vulnerable and open and honest, because when you let people know your heart then they know exactly how to attempt to crush it.

Then you have the other type of people--the people who have gone through horrors big and small, some even bigger than the other type of people have gone through.

But these are the greatest people in the world.

These are the brilliant lights that I talk about so often. The kind of people that have gone through Hell yet shine with the light of Heaven.

These are the people of strength--who may fall and break but stay standing through it all. This is that one person that happened to smile at you when you were having a bad day--when maybe even they were having a bad day, too, yet smiled anyway! The person who holds the door for you whenever they certainly didn't have to--when many others wouldn't.

The people who live their life through art or performing and love and freedom. The people who are tortured geniuses. Beautiful scars walking the earth overcoming fear one day to the next, but that refuse to give up. Refuse to give in.

This is who I am--who I constantly strive to be.

I will never be mean. I will never purposefully insult someone or hurt someone. I will never be the kind of person to suffer and think that because I've had a hard time, it's my job to make sure everyone else does, too.

I know a ton of BOTH of these people. The one's who would love to make fun of me, try and tear me down. Sure, maybe they've succeeded at one point or another, but I'm done with that. I refuse to budge anymore and lower myself to their standards of pathetic thoughts and brainless acts that society tells us is the right thing. The thing to make you last in this world.

Well, I'll tell you, I've never seen a jerk happy in their life. They may get awards, get money, get popularity, but are these really things that we should care about? No.

I don't care about how many friends you have. I don't care about how much fun you have. I feel sorry for you, and nothing you say will make me feel any other way.

I also know people who are like me. People who can, no, not point to a crowd of people and say, "These are my friends!", while they don't even know half of them. I mean people who can hold out their cupped palms and say, "This is all, but they mean the world to me.". Find quality friends, not a large quantity of idiots.

Surround yourself with people who will lift you higher. Who will encourage you to think and try your best and live for what makes you happy.

When I was little, I used to think that bad things only happened to bad people. I thought that this was true.

But now I know that bad things happen to everyone, especially good people, yet they just have a way of turning pain into something amazing. 'Smiling through the tears', if you will.

Yes, I have been emotionally and mentally abused. Most of this is done by myself, to myself.

I tell myself so many things, think so many things, and hardly any of them are good.

Again, enough of that.

I don't mean to get up on my high horse and look down upon everyone else, but I refuse to continue to mistreat myself and allow myself to be mistreated by others.

If words intend to hurt me, I refuse to listen. Again, I won't stoop down to the floor and take in those words full of lies and filth. I did before. I have been. 

The world is full of fear and horrible, terrible things, and we must do the hard thing--smile anyway.

We Are Stories

Hello Dears!

It's been incredibly long since I've written a Blog Post due to my habit of making a bunch of crazy videos about writing/reading, which can be found HERE at my Youtube Channel!

I've been having a blast filming and editing those videos, and I've met many great people through it so far, and I can't wait to see where the future of it goes!

But, of course, I've begun to miss expression through the written word, so I decided to write more Blog Posts.

A quick disclaimer: majority of these posts will not be about reading. Or writing. Or books. These are about me and my own story, so if that doesn't suite you feel free to follow the link above and explore all I have to offer on reading and writing and books and such!

Talking about stories is great, don't get me wrong--it's one of my favorite things to do. But this blog is about all aspects of stories, and that includes my own, so I feel no guilt in shaking things up a little bit.

So, I'm going to be real with you. In two different ways.

I'm going to be real meaning out of fiction--out of fantasy and books and all of the magic that comes with it.

I am also going to be real meaning I am going to be... Brutally honest about things.

I have a lot to say, to put it simply. I over-think which means I have heaps and piles of unpoken and unwritten opinions and thoughts that I have never allowed myself to share for many reasons.

The biggest reason is that I consider this a 'Reading/Writing' Blog, and straying from that isn't allowed, but that's just, frankly, stupid.

I made this blog for me. I made this blog to talk about whatever I wanted to, because writing down events and thoughts helps me cope with things.

But I haven't been doing that, because I was so caught up on labeling things. But, basically, forget it. I'm going to talk about what I want to.

So when I first started out this blog, it was to help me express things properly--write them down, store them away, and forget about them.

And now I am writing here because I've gone through crap, and I think a lot, and if I'm keeping the stories of my life to myself then how do I expect to help others?

I hide a lot, basically. And I'm done with that. I keep my problems and my thoughts and my personality and my life to myself, and I'm tired of it. Tired of hiding.

I was put on this Earth to share my experiences, good and bad, great and terrible, to help others and learn from them myself. It's selfish of me to keep hiding, and ultimately I'm just done pretending.

I hate pretending. I hate people who do it, and I hate to think that I do it myself, so I declare: enough.

I have stuff to say, and I am done staying silent.

So I'm going to be honest. Honest about everything. About me and life and who I am and I am doing this for multiple different reasons that will become clear in later Posts.

I admire people who are open and honest. I admire people who understand that, no, their life and their past is not just for themselves to bear and to keep in secret. I firmly believe that God continues to put me through these things so that I may be a living, breathing story, one interesting to read, one that might break your heart, maybe make you laugh. We are all stories and if we are silent, then your just the cover. Not much to look at, right?

And I realized that I am never open. I am never truly honest about who I am.

And, again, I am done pretending.

I've felt fake. I've felt like I'm focusing on my writing and my painting and my drawing that I haven't even stopped to actually think about myself and who I am.

I discovered that I am not the best I can be. Of course I'm not--we as humans should be constantly striving to be greater, make better choices, think wiser.

But right here where I am, I have gone halfway. I have been half a person. I have ignored myself and mistreated myself and basically just destroyed myself without even realizing it.

So that's enough of that.

I tried to describe myself and had a very hard time.

I often do not see myself as exciting or interesting. I am not funny or witty or clever. Perhaps I'm not an entertainer--not someone to want to be around, not someone to admire, not someone that is inspirational.

But, gosh dang it, I can be.

Who we are is %90 up to us, you know that? And I have let myself go. I have not tried to be anyone, let alone a good version of myself, whoever that may be. I can be whoever I want, and I choose to be greater than this, than the silent, distraught person I am now.

And you bet I'm going to share it all with you. With the world. I've hidden myself so much that I lost sight of who I am myself.

I've tried so hard to be people I'm not. I've tried on many hats over the last few months, few weeks, even, countless masks that turned me into different people, none of them that I quite fit into.

Despite this, I've tried to make my writing interesting--my painting, my drawing, my books--I tried to make them all great. Maybe if they are then I am too, right?


So incredibly wrong.

I am going to focus on making myself brilliant--with a personality and traits and quirks that I can be proud of and embrace, not try to snuff out and hide. And, through being a good person, my talents, such as writing and drawing and painting, will become good, too.

I've gotten caught up in every single thing except for the right thing.

I told myself I wanted to do amazing things. But my priority now is to be an amazing person.

At my Funeral when I die in 300 years (Yes this just got morbid fast.), I don't want people to say:
"She accomplished many great things. Published many novels. Was very successful in her wishes."

I want people to say, maybe with a little smile:

"She touched so many hearts with her gentle fingers, and inspired so many souls with her words. She was beautiful not because of any color of her eyes or any curl of her hair--it was like light shone through her everyday, and she never let it dim, not ever. She told stories as if they were real, and like magic she made you believe they were, too!"

I'm not going to do and create great things for other people. I'm going to be great for myself.

Because God doesn't care one bit about how many Followers I have on Youtube, or how many paintings I sell, or what awards I accomplish in my life.

He cares about how bright my light is. And I'm not going to do that through an impressive wall of sketches hidden away in my room. I'm going to do that by being open and honest.

I do not live my life for me. I live my life for Him, and I strongly feel as though I have been called to finally speak.

And it feels so good.

Just writing this, just not caring, just not telling myself 'no one will care' or 'that's too personal!'.

So I hope you don't mind this, but if you do, I, to put it bluntly, don't honestly care.

I'm not being rude. I'm being honest. I will keep my videos on topic of Reading and Writing and such, but I am me and I can't pretend to not be and I will not apologize for it.

Thanks for reading, if you've actually stuck to it this far in, and expect more posts in the near future!

Writing Class: Day Four (And other such things!)

Day Four's video include many things because I am literally so scatter brained.

Writing Class: Day One, Two, and Three!


As you can read on the descriptions to my videos over at my Youtube Channel, I had some major technical issues, so I have three videos from the last three days for you guys!

I have now solved the problem, and we are all caught up and back to normal!

                  Writing Class: Day One!:

                  Writing Class: Day Two!:

                  Writing Class: Day Three!:

So, I'll be posting one more Video later tonight, Day Four, which is actually what is SUPPOSED to happen!

So sorry about the huge dump of videos, and thank you guys so much for hanging in there!

Thanks for reading/watching!

Updates and Giveaway Winner Video!


HUGE congratulations to the winner, AnnaMaria_94_PL!: As the video says, you have three days to reply to my E-mail with your shipping address before I must choose another winner!

Thank you EVERYONE who entered! I have been blown away by all of the comments and messages and just the sheer number of followers on my new Youtube and Twitter and Goodreads, ect, and so here have this big huge hug from me...

*Group hug, everyone.*

I plan on many many many many more giveaways in the future, so get excited for those!

Thanks for reading and watching!

I'll see you next time!